A New Day
The stripping day is over, and it turns out that it never happened. THANK GOD! but still the idea or even the thought of it still upsets me, I would never think to do such a thing and I would hope that he wouldn't either, but he did and that's still a lot for me to think about. There are other things to think about besides that though so I guess I'll have to move on from it for now... christmas is comming up and I'm worried about what I'm going to be getting! I know Ryan has been talking about getting ingaged a lot lately and I don't know what I would do if he were to ask me to marry him! I'm not ready for that yet!! I've always wanted to wait untill I get out of college and have a career before something like that was to happen. In order for me to get married I need a stable life outside of his that I can fall back on in the future... and right now I don't have that... I'm just a sophomore in college, there is soo much time before something like that is going to happen--- I have a lot of goals in my life and I'm not ready for that commitment! But besides that-- hopefully it doesn't happen and there is a long time before it does... like FOUR years! Anywho other than that things are going fine, we had a very long talk last night about everything and how i feel that I'm the only one who ever gets yelled at, and how i don't feel that I am getting everything that I want out of our relationship-- It was really nice to get out and said, hopefully something happens because of it! I just want to feel like I have some importance too and right now I feel like it is all about him. His idea of doing something for me is buying me things and I don't think he has ever realized that buying me expensive things doesn't matter-- That's not what I care about, I care about the feeling that I get when I'm around him and the way he makes me feel... Jewelry and clothing aren't things that make me happy! I don't know maybe I'm different but that's how I feel..
