November 23, 2004

STRIPPING!!

So i'm just going to jump into this in the middle... Ryan just called me to let me know that he is stripping for his MANAGER'S bacholorette party!! what am i suppose to say to that, NO i'm not okay with it, what the hell.... of course he is being stupid and drunk. I don't even know what to do about him! it's like he has a double standard about everything, if it were me that called to say that I was stripping for someone, even if its not "all the way" our relationship would be over. Some of the things he does I can not handle. Everytime I do something that he is not okay with, he blows up on me and acts like a little kid... I should have said something to him to begin with, but no i didn't, i was too shocked to say anything at all! what am i suppose to say to that, really! I didn't want to blow up on him in with all of those people around him, but I'm not okay with it either. sometimes i think our relationship is going nowhere and i'm going to end up in a marriage like my parents. my dad made all the rules for my mom and for us and my mom just followed and went along with everything that he said. Anyway, Ryan is currently my boyfriend and the love of my life. I truely do love him and he makes me so happy. we spend so much time together and there are good times and bad times like in every relationship, although it seems that he is the bringer of all the bad times and they are all because of something that i do wrong-- i don't ever see what it is that i do but it's always me. i'm not the type of person that gets mad or tries to be the dominant person. i think that is why i'm in such a predicament right now. I feel like i'm always stuck in between everything, there is never a time for my decisions or for katie to be the dominant one! what the hell am i suppose to do!!! seriously! I've changed so many things for him and i don't think he ever realizes it. I don't hang out with anyone of the guys i use to and that i can understand. but i barely even hang out with or talk to any of my girlfriends anymore. it's so hard to have no one to talk to half of the time but him. i don't feel like i get any other opinions or ideas. I don't know, maybe i'm just being crazy... who wouldn't want their boyfriend to be stripping in front of a bunch of girls that he works with and his BOSS!! seriously??
Posted by kadav7 at 22:59:50 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

A New Day

The stripping day is over, and it turns out that it never happened.  THANK GOD! but still the idea or even the thought of it still upsets me, I would never think to do such a thing and I would hope that he wouldn't either, but he did and that's still a lot for me to think about.  There are other things to think about besides that though so I guess I'll have to move on from it for now... christmas is comming up and I'm worried about what I'm going to be getting!  I know Ryan has been talking about getting ingaged a lot lately and I don't know what I would do if he were to ask me to marry him! I'm not ready for that yet!! I've always wanted to wait untill I get out of college and have a career before something like that was to happen.  In order for me to get married I need a stable life outside of his that I can fall back on in the future... and right now I don't have that... I'm just a sophomore in college, there is soo much time before something like that is going to happen--- I have a lot of goals  in my life and I'm not ready for that commitment!  But besides that-- hopefully it doesn't happen and there is a long time before it does... like FOUR years!  Anywho other than that things are going fine, we had a very long talk last night about everything and how i feel that I'm the only one who ever gets yelled at, and how i don't feel that I am getting everything that I want out of our relationship-- It was really nice to get out and said, hopefully something happens because of it! I just want to feel like I have some importance too and right now I feel like it is all about him. His idea of doing something for me is buying me things and I don't think he has ever realized that buying me expensive things doesn't matter-- That's not what I care about, I care about the feeling that I get when I'm around him and the way he makes me feel... Jewelry and clothing aren't things that make me happy! I don't know maybe I'm different but that's how I feel..
Posted by kadav7 at 16:09:33 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

LAST PERSON WHO . Slept in your bed: my dog . Saw you cry: tara . You shared a drink with: my mommy . You went to the mall with: ryan . Yelled at you: ryan . Sent you an email: 1-800-flowers? HAVE YOU EVER: . Danced naked: all the time . Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: nope, i don't dream . Wish you were the opposite sex: to my disappointment, yes . Had an imaginary friend: yeah, grungy? . Do you have a crush on someone: i love him, but right now i hate him . What book are you reading now: the society WHATS YOUR... . Worst feeling in the world: broken heart . Future son's name: gavin . Future daughter's name: synthia . Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no, my dog is enough . What's under your bed: pictures . Favorite sport to watch: football, WHODEY . Siblings: 4 little sisters . Location: cincinnati . College plans: UC . Piercings/tattoos: ears twice, belly, nipple . Tattoos: nope . Do you drink: too much . Who is your best friend: kelsey, monica. tara . What are you most scared of: living a worthless life . What clothes do you sleep in: undies . Where do you want to get married: in italy . Who do you really hate: no one . Been in Love: yes . Do you drive: yes . Do you have a job: yes . Do you like being around people: love people . Are you for world peace: sure  . Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: no . Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did? yes . Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: no . Want someone you don't have right now: probably . Are you lonely right now: yes . Song that's stuck in your head a lot: . Do you want to get married: yes . Do you want kids: definetaly . If you were stranded on a deserted island who would you like to be stuck with and why: that's debatable  FAVORITE . New Person: tara! . Room in house: my office . Band/Group(s): . Color: orange . Perfume or cologne: escada . Month: december... christmas music . Flower: roses IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU... . Cried: nope . Bought something: yep, too much . Gotten sick: no . Sang: yep . Met someone: nope . Missed someone: terribly . Hugged someone: yes . Kissed someone: yes . Became shy around someone: no . Been to the diner: i actually ate with my parents! . Exercised: it crossed my mind
Posted by kadav7 at 04:36:05 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |